the idea of two aromantic platonic partners having a “convenience marriage” is like my favorite thing right now I’m both getting really excited and cracking up over the possibilities I mean just imagine:

“we got married because of tax benefits”

“we got married because it gave us an excuse to have sleepovers every night”

“we got married because it seemed convenient to ‘pool our assets’ (aka our library is now twice as big, as is our collection of Disney movies)”

“we got married because it gave us an excuse to ask for toasters from people as wedding gifts”

#we got married because weddings are really exciting and we can plan it how we want it and it doesn’t need to include kissing bc that can be weird#but it gives us an excuse to have a dessert table#because dESSERT TABLE#I just want dessert table festivities#festivities around a dessert table#ahh#desssseeeeerrrrrt#CHEESECAKES THOOOOOOOO#YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 

this is the most important addition anyone has made to this post bless you and may the Force be with you my friend

#aromantic couple that learns about the practice of getting married again to ‘reaffirm your commitment’#and proceeds to get married every year#and every year the dessert table is bigger and more extravagent#and they start experimenting with variations on the ceremony (x)

#we got married because we only needed to buy one copy of each book #we got married because then no one goes to the movies alone #we got married because then we got to design WEDDING CLOTHES #we got married because pillow fights #we got married because this makes emergency contact info much easier #we got married because weirding out conservatives (x)

 We got married because broadway duets while doing chores, we got married because HALF AS MANY CHORES, we got married because surprise cookies on bad days, we got married because surprise cookies on GOOD days, we got married so we’d never have to ask the other if we could come over today again, we got married so our parents would stop asking (x)

#we got married because someone will get meds when we’re sick #we got married because secondary income #we got married because joint big finish account #we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs #we got married because broadway duets while doing anything #we got married because only one of us likes cooking and the other is fine with dishes #we got married because both of us like cooking and we can trade off #we got married because help with disabilities and someone who doesn’t judge #we got married because of the satisfaction of hearing ‘have you found someone yet’ and getting to say ‘yes’ and hang up #we got married because anniversary parties are even more fun than weddings #MORE DESSERT TABLES #we got married because couples discounts on things




#we got married because two people can walk more dogs than one person which means more dogs PERFECT

I want y'all to pause for a moment and consider this: all of the things that people have cited above? Those are the things, in my experience, that make marriage ACTUALLY work in the long run. Splitting the work, taking care of each other, walking the dogs, sharing tasks because I am okay with folding laundry while my spouse hates it but he’ll carry the heavy baskets for me, because singing duets in the car is fun, because sometimes I worked all day and he’s on leave right now so he made dinner and made my favorite pasta dish with fresh tomatoes… those are the REAL reasons a marriage works.
So think about this for a moment because romance is, frankly, very secondary to what makes a marriage work in the long term. Partnership, task-sharing, friendship, all of those things are the true thing that will tell you whether a marriage will stand the test of time.
So it’s not that I’m saying that aromantic relationships are like taking a “normal” relationship and taking out the romance, I’m saying that IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WOULD NOT STAND UP WITHOUT THE ROMANCE IN IT, DON’T GET MARRIED.
We should in fact consider the aromantic “platonic lifemate” as the ideal BASIS for a marriage in the long term. We should be looking at platonic lifemates and saying, “do we measure up to that standard? Is our love for each other aromantic TOO? Are we at that bedrock?”
Because you will go through periods in your life, and your marriage, where even if you love one another romantically and deeply, there won’t be much romance. Maybe, you know, your spouse just got part of her spine removed, or you are really stressed out by work, or a move, or your dog/cat/kid/mouse/pet tarantula is sick, or your neighbor is crazy and intruding on your space, and you will NEED EACH OTHER but there won’t be much romance in it.
If you can’t be platonic partners, if you don’t stand up to that ideal, seriously consider this. Consider BUILDING this as part of building your relationship – and use it as a good test for whether or not sex/romance is covering up serious communication issues, or abuse.
I submit that we should refer to this as the New Platonic Ideal.
Thank you.



November 2016

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